When do you say “I love you” in a relationship?
Short answer: Not for a while.
It is a question people have asked for centuries and the question that can make or break a relationship. It can leave one person becoming uncomfortable, place unwanted expectations and leave you with regret if you change your mind, or the other person says “I love you” only to change their mind down the road.
Everyone has a different take on when to say “I love you”, and the fact is; you will know when the time is right. It won’t be some fleeting emotion you feel, or some charge of pleasure coursing through your body. It will be a connection beyond the flesh, a connection that goes beyond what is explainable.
“I love you” is earned. To say I love you to someone is a willingness and desire survive this beautiful and treacherous disaster called life together, no matter the ups or downs. Your making a sacrifice unto yourself in order serve someone else with loyalty and grace.
Saying I love you is saying I trust you and I know you trust me, it’s so much more than words and anyone reading this currently in love knows what I’m saying. Love is rare. Many people go through life never experiencing love. Love happens randomly when you least expect it, or when it’s lone gone and you have years of experience to look back on only to realize that your college sweetheart was your knight in shinning armour.
You may even reach a stage where you don’t want or even have to say “I love you”; you just know. In fact you may move on from saying it all together. Your relationship may reach a stage where saying “I love you” is akin to questioning or testing your partners commitment and may become tiresome or a burden to say, especially if one person begins saying it all the time no matter if your arguing or not. The worst is when your arguing for weeks on end, you know the relationship is closing to end but the other person doesn’t see it, you argue, you have sex, then they apologize and say “I love you”. It’s one of the worst times to say “I love you” in existence and in many cases may serve as the nail in the coffin when it comes to your relationship. This mostly happens in relationships when two people don’t even really know why they are together.
Some people may even use the phrase “I love you” to trap someone in a relationship and place unwanted expectations on them to early in the relationship. Some people are very good at this and know how to play upon people’s emotions in order to get what they want from them. So be careful if someone starts saying “I love you to early in a relationship, it may be an early indicator that this person is not emotionally or mentally stable for a real relationship and may in fact be capitalizing on the endorphins you get when meeting someone new you have a crush on. Again, you will know if your in love and if your saying “I love you” one or even 6 months after meeting each other then it’s probably not gonna work out. If you feel like your being forced to say “I love you” then it’s not gonna last.
“I love you” shouldn’t just be something thing you say when your filled with a rush of endorphins either. To me, the phrase is very powerful and to say it to much can ruin it’s magic. Much like eating an apple to early; saying “I love you” should be done when the time is ripe.